The best sex tip for when you have an overactive pelvic floor is doing relaxing pelvic floor muscles before the sex. The pelvic floor muscles around the vagina and anus will relax through these pelvic floor exercises. It’s more difficult to insert a finger, penis or dildo when the vagina is too tensed up. One of the most common symptoms of an overactive pelvic floor is having vaginal pain during sex. That’s why it’s smart to keep relaxing and to not push yourself through the pain. When you have a painful vagina, you can think of having vaginism or vulvitis, but you can also experience symptoms like urinal incontinence and obstipation when you have an overactive pelvic floor. Sex positions like the cowgirl or the titanic may help the woman relax while she’s still experiencing a proper penetration at her own speed. The sex position the koala helps to give the man a good work-out, but it will be a relaxing sexual experience for the woman instead.
If you’re looking for pelvic floor exercises or go to the exercises page. If you’re looking for products for your pelvis and go to the Pelvic Store.
What is an overactive pelvic floor?
An overactive pelvic floor is a pelvic floor that has become too tense. The pelvic floor muscles aren’t able to relax and are often squeezed shut. This causes peeing properly to be difficult. Unwanted urine loss is also possible with an overactive pelvic floor. This can sometimes be caused by the pressure on the pelvic floor. The pelvic floor muscles can accidentally lose control during some activities, like sneezing or walking, when more pressure is applied on the pelvic floor. Urinal or fecal leakage is possible, while urinating or pooping might be a difficult thing to do. The bladder and intestines will fill up when going to the toilet becomes hard. Pressure will be applied on the pelvic floor when the bladder and intestines are overfilled, which causes its contents to spill. That way something may unwantedly escape. Sometimes it’s hard to sleep when you have an overactive pelvic floor as well. The bladder and the intestines feel very filled up and you can experience a lot of tension in or around the pelvis and the lower back.
7 symptoms of an overactive pelvic floor:
- Vaginal pain during the sex.
- Vaginism.
- Having an overflowing bladder.
- Pain in the lower back.
- Not being able to urinate properly.
- Obstipation.
- Bladder infection.
Having sex while having an overactive pelvic floor
Having sex while you have an overactive pelvic floor can be painful because the pelvic floor is too tensed up. A tense pelvic floor causes you to have a tense vagina. The pelvic floor muscles tenses up the muscles around your vagina, which makes it hard to be able to insert a penis or a finger. An overactive pelvic floor can be caused by a bad sexual experience (trauma), overload, anxiety and pregnancy. Of course you want to be able to enjoy having sex, that’s why you do it. That’s why you should try to do as many relaxing pelvic floor exercises as possible so you can relax your pelvic floor muscles. This way your vagina will open up better and a penis or dildo can be inserted. If it still hurts, don’t be afraid to just stop. It can take some time before sex will be a comfortable thing for you to do again but that’s why you shouldn’t push your body over its limits and don’t keep having sex while you are in pain.
Tips for having sex while having an overactive pelvic floor:
- Relax before you are having sex.
- Listen to your body before having sex.
- Communicate about your pain and overactive pelvic floor.
- Do pelvic floor exercises.
- Use sex toys.
Tip 1. Relax before you are having sex.
You will feel more comfortable in your body when you relax before you’re going to have sex while having an overactive pelvic floor. Stress and anxiety can increase your issues because your body will react to your thoughts (for example, think about being pregnant for a few days and your body will react to it by having a false pregnancy). It helps to enjoy a bath or to read a book beforehand. Your thoughts will be elsewhere and your body and pelvis are able to relax.
Tip 2. Listen to your body before having sex.
It’s important to listen to your body before you have sex while having an overactive pelvic floor. Rest when you’re tired. Stop when it hurts. Take a bath, do relaxing activities or read a book when you have too much stress. Make sure that you don’t do something that your body can’t handle. It’s useless to cross your own boundaries and to push your body. I understand that you want to keep going, but you can overload your pelvis in such a way that having sex won’t be enjoyable for you anymore and your body will be in a lot of pain.
Tip 3. Communicate about your pain and overactive pelvic floor.
It’s important to keep talking about it. Maybe you think that it’s embarrassing or you will feel uncomfortable talking about it, but talking about your painful sexual experience with your partner or a sexologist could help giving your pelvis and genitalia less stress. This may sound weird, but like I’ve said before: your body reacts to your thoughts. When you don’t communicate about your issues, no positivity will happen and your partner also wouldn’t be able to understand what’s going on.
Tip 4. Do pelvic floor exercises.
Doing pelvic floor exercises helps your overactive pelvic floor to relax. I am talking about the relaxing pelvic floor exercises, though. The pelvic floor muscles around your vagina can relax more when you do these exercises. That way your vagina is able to loosen and open up more to let something get inserted. You can do pelvic floor exercises on the daily, before and after having sex.
Tip 5. Use sex toys.
You can make sex more enjoyable when you’re using sex toys. That way you can also determine what feels nice for you and what doesn’t. Try the vaginal cones or balls to exercise the entrance of your vagina. You can teach your pelvic floor muscles how to relax by using them. Using lubrication is also important. Lube adds to the wetness of your vagina and it helps the penis and/or sex toys to go in. Sex or masturbating will be made more enjoyable like that.
Good sex positions while you have an overactive pelvic floor:
- The cowgirl.
- The koala.
- The Titanic.
- The spider.
The cowgirl.
The cowgirl position is a good position if you want to give the woman the control. She can perform this position by sitting on top of the man. The man is lying on his back and the woman is on top. The woman can push herself off from the wall or the bed. The woman can decide how deep and how fast the penetration goes. If the woman so happens to start feeling uncomfortable, she can go slower until she relaxes again.
The koala.
This position is a good workout for the man, but it’s a relaxing position for the woman. With this position, the man is standing on the floor while carrying the woman. The woman wraps her legs around the man’s hips and clings on to him like a koala would do. The man can insert his penis this way while the woman is able to relax. He can calmly lift and lower the woman on her preferred tempo, so she doesn’t feel too much pain. If it becomes too heavy at some point, the woman can lean against the wall with her back for some support.
The Titanic.
The Titanic position is a good position for an overactive pelvic floor, because it has an average penetration and the woman is able to relax. The man lies with his back on the bed, just like with the cowgirl, but this time he has his feet placed on the mattress. The woman will sit on top of him while she faces his feet. It looks a bit like the reverse cowgirl. The woman can rest her legs next to the body of the man and she can hold or hug the man’s legs for support. Instead of Jack and Rose appreciating the sea view, Jack can enjoy his view and Rose can control her penetration on a relaxing tempo.
The spider.
The spider is a good position as well, because the woman can lay comfortably while the man does the work. The position goes as following: the woman lays with her back on the bed and the man sits in front of her. The man places his feet underneath the woman’s arms, underneath her armpits. You’re butt-to-butt, so to speak, just with the woman lying. The woman puts her feet on the mattress and will be provided with support that way. The man puts his hands behind him on the bed for support and this way he can go in and out of the vagina. The woman is able to keep lying comfortably while the man is giving a deep or an average penetration.
More ideas for sex positions and you’re dealing with pelvic instability? Then maybe my article “9 sex positions for pelvic pain or pelvic instability” is something for you. Or look at sex positions during pregnancy.
And lastly, are you looking for more information?
Hopefully this information was useful to you! If you’re still looking for some more information, feel free to take another look around on the website. It’s filled with in-depth information, tips a webshop and also exercises. I still have a lot of articles with lots of information about other symptoms and issues. Feel free to click on the blue words to take you straight to the right page.
