The most important sex tips for vaginismus and vulvitis are that you have to relax properly and that you shouldn’t push yourself. Try to take it easy and use a lubricant to prevent damaging your walls. Have sex when you are properly aroused so the inside of your vagina is lubed up enough by itself and so the penis can be easily inserted without any pain. Having pain in your private parts, like in your vagina, often ruins your longing for sex. However, in this article we will tell you about a few sex tips for vaginismus, so you can still enjoy having sex.
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What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is the tensing up of your vaginal muscles when you’re having sex or when you’re trying to insert a tampon. The pelvic floor muscles surrounding your vagina are very strong, which can give you the feeling that your vagina is locked. If you aren’t able to insert a finger or a tampon, then how can you quite possibly have sex when you have vaginismus? It can be extremely painful if you do end up having sex. Fortunately, vaginismus can be treated.
Types of vaginismus
There are two types of vaginismus. One type is called primary vaginismus and the other is called secondary vaginismus. The issue has always been there when you have primary vaginismus. Secondary vaginismus occurred later. Secondary vaginismus can occur when the sex has been too painful or if you’ve had a few negative intercourses with your partner. Your vagina often feels dry. By keeping it moisturized by using cream it stays moist and that will keep sex enjoyable for you.
How do you treat vaginismus?
You can treat vaginismus by visiting a sexologist or a pelvic physical therapist. You can also do some things yourself to help you relax. You can try to relax your pelvis by doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. That way you will get the control over your body back.
Next to doing exercises during the treatment, you will also learn how to get over your fear of pain. With vaginismus it’s often the case that you are worried about having the penis enter your vagina. You will learn how to beat your anxiety through the treatments. You often start with pelvic floor exercises and you learn how to use Q-tips on yourself. Doesn’t it hurt anymore? Then you can use a finger or a bigger rod-shaped object (make sure it’s always safe for internal use). You can keep going bigger until you don’t feel any pain anymore and when you can have enjoyable sex again while having vaginismus.
Solutions for vaginismus that you can DIY
You have certain solutions for vaginismus that you can do yourself, like taking a nice, warm bath, for example. You can also use sex toys that become bigger overtime, start with really thin dildos and keep going bigger (or use cones). You won’t experience pain and stress as quick when you’re relaxed. The pain is physically annoying, but it can also be mentally burdening. It makes you feel uncomfortable and scared of sex. You need to relax to prevent that. Get a massage next to taking a bath. You feel more at ease when you’re relaxed which causes your vaginal walls to tense up less. But the common cause of vaginismus is trauma, so try to talk about it. I know it sounds hard, but it does help you when you communicate about your struggles. Talk with a sexologist or a psychologist about your issues.
Sex tips for vaginismus:
- Use lubrication.
- Make sure there is enough arousal.
- Take a hot shower before having sex.
- Take it slow.
- Use a safe word.
- Try other positions.
- Try to communicate about it.
- Use a cream.
Tip 1: Use lubrication.
Using lube when you have vaginismus helps the penis or finger to easier enter your vagina. This way you experience less pain and you won’t damage your vaginal walls. Maybe lube isn’t necessary when you’re already wet enough from arousal. If you aren’t sure about having sex with your natural lube, then use lubrication.
Tip 2: Make sure there is enough arousal.
You generate vaginal moisture when you’re turned on enough. This helps the penis to be inserted without any pain. Try to find out what works best for you and try out some new things to discover what increases your comfort and decreases your pain.
Tip 3: Take a hot shower before having sex.
Take a hot shower or bath before you have sex. It helps you relax, and when you relax, you have less stress. This prevents (additional) pain during sex when you have vaginismus.
Tip 4: Take it slow.
Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t make it uncomfortable for yourself. You need to enjoy it and it can somewhat hurt. So try to take it slow, step by step. The slower you start, the more your vagina can get used to it. It’s like having sex for the first time. Back then you had to be careful and make sure that it goes smooth. It goes the same way with vaginismus.
Tip 5: Use a safe word.
Some people may already know and use this idea, but having a safe word might be a smart thing to have. You can tell your partner that it hurts too much by using a safe word. For example:
Safe word = Orange
When you’re busy with each other and you start to feel uncomfortable, say ‘orange’. That way your partner knows to stop so you can take a breather and then see if you want to try it again.
Tip 6: Try other positions.
Instead of doing the usual positions, try out different positions to have less issues with your vagina. One of the positions that you can try is being on top. This way you can control the rhythm yourself and you can easily stop when it becomes too painful.
Tip 7: Try to communicate about it.
When you are open about your issues to your partner, your partner will know to be careful. You can also talk to your doctor who can prescribe you a cream to soften the pain a little bit.
Tip 8: Use a cream.
You can also buy a vaginal protective cream at the pharmacy so you can protect your vagina and have it be less dried up. That way your vagina won’t be painful during sex. The cream is called Vagisan moisturizing cream. You also have a special shower product for vaginismus that you can find at the pharmacy as well. This is called Lactacyd Intimate Wash Gel 0%.
4 tools for vaginismus
There are a few tools for vaginismus mentioned below. Combine these tools with the relaxing pelvic floor exercises for women and a suitable lubrication. Start working on your recovery and combine the variety of tools and the relaxing pelvic floor exercises today. Let’s go through the recommendable tools:
1. Vaginal dildo set – 3 pieces – different sizes
Vaginal dildo sets with different sizes of dildos can help your vaginismus. With this set you can start small but change to a bigger size when inserting them becomes easier. Click on the image or click here to buy this set today. Don’t force inserting it and combine the dildos with lube and the relaxing pelvic floor exercises.
2. Intimate Rose Vaginal Dildo
set – 4 pieces – different sizes
If it’s already painful for you to insert a finger, then this extensive set is more suitable for you. This is a nicely extended set that you can use from the get go. The smallest dildo is the perfect dildo to slowly and carefully use in combination with the relaxing pelvic floor exercises and a good lubrication. When using the smallest dildo is going great you can easily change to the somewhat bigger version. Click on the image or on the blue words to buy this set today.
3. Disposable gloves
Use disposable gloves. This way you also prevent infections. You will experience less issues and your dry vagina will feel less uncomfortable when you gently touch it. Think of using a lubrication while inserting a dildo or kegel. Click on the image or click on the blue words go to the latex-free disposable gloves.
And lastly, are you looking for more information?
Hopefully this information was useful to you! If you’re still looking for some more information, feel free to take another look around on the website. It’s filled with in-depth information, tips a webshop and also exercises. I still have a lot of articles with lots of information about other symptoms and issues. Feel free to click on the blue words to take you straight to the right page.
My personal recommendations
You can find my personal recommendations for a weakened pelvic floor here
I hope you’ll be able to immediately do something with the information you’ve found. If you’re still looking for some more help, then keep on reading. Below I will sum up some products that are suitable to help you strengthen your pelvic floor:
- Strength building pelvic floor exercises: These strength building exercises are specially put together for you so you can train and strengthen your pelvic floor. This is a training module with a lot of different pelvic floor exercises that become more challenging as the periods pass by. Like this you will make sure that you will have a very strong pelvic floor and you solve/prevent your pelvic issues, pelvic pain and other pelvic problems. Click here to directly go to the pelvic floor exercises.
- Vaginal/anal exercising cones: The vaginal or anal exercising cones (also called vaginal balls or Ben Wa balls) are suitable to combine with the strength building pelvic floor exercises from recommendation 1. The vaginal cones differ in weight. Depending on your recovery rate and progress, you can change up the weights. The pelvic floor exercises remain challenging that way so you can keep on working on having a strong pelvic floor. Click here for the overview of vaginal and anal exercising cones that I can recommend to you.
You can find my personal recommendations for an overactive and tense pelvic floor here
I hope that you’ve found useful information. If you are still looking for some more help, then keep reading! I will sum up some products that are suitable to help you relax your pelvic floor:
- Relaxing pelvic floor exercises: These relaxing pelvic floor exercises have been composed specially for you so you can learn how to relax and control your pelvic floor. This is an exercising module with a lot of different pelvic floor exercises that will become harder with every phase. This way you make sure that you can get your pelvic floor under control so you can end up relaxing it. Practice relaxing your pelvic floor when you’re experiencing issues with vaginismus, vulvitis, obstipation, difficulty urinating or with different types of overflow incontinence. Click here to go directly to the pelvic floor exercises.
- Dildo set with different sizes of dildos: Your vagina can be too tight when you experience having an overactive and tense pelvic floor. This causes sex to be painful, even inserting a finger or tampon can already bring pain. Learn how to relax the pelvic floor with the relaxing pelvic floor exercises, section 1. Use a dildo set where you can adjust the width and length yourself. Start with the smallest and use bigger ones overtime when you’re ready. Click here to directly go to the 6-piece kegel set. You can also click here for a 4-piece dildo set. It’s smart to start with the smallest dildo. Slowly build up to what you can handle.
- Orthopedic cushions: Do you have pain when you’re sitting because of an overactive pelvic floor, pelvic instability, lower back pain or pelvic pain? Then a orthopedic cushion can give you some extra seat comfort. You can also perform the relaxing pelvic floor exercises on this cushion. Click here to directly go to the different orthopedic cushions which I’ve tested out for you.
